Unwelcome Guests

I’ve welcomed in an old friend this morning, and she’s happily making herself at home. At the moment she’s lying over my chest making each breath a shallow grab.  I don’t like her, but instead of kicking her out, I’ve fed and watered her, and you know what happens when you feed someone; you make … Continue reading Unwelcome Guests

Taking or Leaving the Mask

I am a guilty masker. I’ve always masked. It’s a complex creation with different weights and different angles. Each occasion has a different variation of it, a different material, a different pattern. I have my work mask; professional, straight-backed, walking tall. She has a specific amount of makeup and specific hair. She keeps her outlandish … Continue reading Taking or Leaving the Mask

Swimming Uphill

So what’s it like spending a weekend camping at a Fringe Theatre Festival, when you’re autistic? Tiring. That’s probably the word. Tiring both physically and emotionally. I am so glad that I went, and so frustrated that I didn’t have the energy to do more, to see more, to connect more. I hadn’t been to … Continue reading Swimming Uphill

An Open and Fair Interview

There have been various intangible variables floating on my horizon, and they have been draining my reserves. I usually use those reserves to share and enthuse, and I have missed doing that.   I’m going to share something difficult. I am a perfectionist and hate to get things wrong. I am going to share a … Continue reading An Open and Fair Interview

The Duck: An Autistic Play

I’m in hiding. I don’t have time to be in hiding, it’s possibly the worst thing I could be doing at the moment, and yet hiding is where I am.   I feel like I opened the floodgates because a beautiful butterfly fluttered by, and now the waters are rising and I can’t get the … Continue reading The Duck: An Autistic Play

My head hurts and it’s a good thing

I’m not a joiner. Even when I really want to do things, I find groups hard. There is always so much going on, so many variables, so many possible ambushes - small-talk, change, new social rules - that I feel overwhelmed before I begin. How I spend my cherished energy is important, it is a … Continue reading My head hurts and it’s a good thing

In Celebration of Autistic Motherhood

Unlike unicorns and dragons and mermaids, autistic mothers are real. We don’t get a lot of media-representation, we don’t seem to fit the stereotypes, but we exist.   Motherhood and autism brings to my mind the scent of my children as they lay in my arms as babies. Just the two of us, alone in … Continue reading In Celebration of Autistic Motherhood

Hiraeth for Autism

Hiraeth pronunciation:- Hi - The Hi from Hiccup Rae - pronounced the same as the wry of a wry smile (if you pronounce wry with a rolled 'R', but let's not overcomplicate) Th - The Th from Think   Hiraeth is an untranslatable Welsh word. It’s often described as homesickness or a sort of nostalgia, … Continue reading Hiraeth for Autism

Autism Aware

In January I decided that this was the year that I would step outside my comfort zone. The secret to being able to do that, is first you have to build a comfort zone from which to step.   Being an undiagnosed autistic woman meant that I lived in the desert. I was permanently outside … Continue reading Autism Aware