I wrote this back in October. Then I decided not to post it. Why? Because I feared judgement. When it happened I blamed myself. I should have been watching every second. I should have been better. I had run a risk assessment of the field: I'd noted no heights to fall from, no water to fall … Continue reading The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life
Category: Relationships
New Year’s Eve
Here I go again. Travelling off to see people for New Year's Eve. Quite the social butterfly. I'm sitting, strapped down, wings tucked in, as we race through the windy, Welsh roads. All corners. Welsh roads skirt every obstacle, and when your country is built of valleys carved by water and its wayward passage making, … Continue reading New Year’s Eve
Eventful Autism
Winter is a time of events and social quandaries. This year I have been kinder to myself about ensuring I get some recovery time. It's so important. Such a huge part of self-care. At a party I'm often coping at my limits. I suddenly feel like I'm made of corners, I'm aware of every angle … Continue reading Eventful Autism
Friends
It's hard to make friends when you're a grown up. Plenty of neurotypicals struggle with it, it's certainly not just autistic people who find building new friendships hard. The problem with building friendships, is that you have to invest time and energy in people, in the hopes that you will like them, they will like … Continue reading Friends
Happiness
Everyone's searching for happiness. Everyone. We've got a world which tells us that if we could just live here, own this, wear this, holiday here, have these friends, have this job, and on and on and on, we would be happy. As an autistic rule follower I was lucky that I grew up in a … Continue reading Happiness
Gaslighting
Being an undiagnosed autistic has many challenges. When you compare your reactions to things with other people's, you feel like you're getting it wrong. When other people take things in their stride, and your brain feels like it's expanding inside your skull to the point you can't think, then you feel like you're overreacting. And … Continue reading Gaslighting
I’m sorry…
Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't mean I don't still have to do the processing. I know you're sorry you're late. You've broken a small social contract, and sorry should be enough to mend it, but it's not the social contract that is troubling me. You're sorry you didn't let me know that plans had changed. You … Continue reading I’m sorry…
Cobwebs: Autistics and Neurotypicals
Autistics and Neurotypicals are a perfect pairing. My husband is neurotypical. I'm autistic. Relationships aren't always easy, but there's something about our pairing that works. When we first got together, there were many miscommunications. They started with my blunt "I like you, I find you attractive." Which he assumed couldn't be fully genuine, because people … Continue reading Cobwebs: Autistics and Neurotypicals
I wanted to be good
That rule-following little girl, she really wanted to be good. She wanted to be able to eat all the food on her plate, even though the textures made her gag. She wanted to not shudder and press her ears to each shoulder in turn, every time you scraped your plate and it made that sound … Continue reading I wanted to be good
The Autistic Community
One of the most incredible things that the modern world has given us, is a new way to communicate. I want to talk about an emerging group, the Autistic Community. When I first got diagnosed, I didn't really know what to do. I had no idea that such a community existed. I was still me. … Continue reading The Autistic Community
Autism and Expectations 