Swimming Uphill

So what’s it like spending a weekend camping at a Fringe Theatre Festival, when you’re autistic? Tiring. That’s probably the word. Tiring both physically and emotionally. I am so glad that I went, and so frustrated that I didn’t have the energy to do more, to see more, to connect more. I hadn’t been to … Continue reading Swimming Uphill

The Duck: An Autistic Play

I’m in hiding. I don’t have time to be in hiding, it’s possibly the worst thing I could be doing at the moment, and yet hiding is where I am.   I feel like I opened the floodgates because a beautiful butterfly fluttered by, and now the waters are rising and I can’t get the … Continue reading The Duck: An Autistic Play

My head hurts and it’s a good thing

I’m not a joiner. Even when I really want to do things, I find groups hard. There is always so much going on, so many variables, so many possible ambushes - small-talk, change, new social rules - that I feel overwhelmed before I begin. How I spend my cherished energy is important, it is a … Continue reading My head hurts and it’s a good thing

Beginnings

January swelled and fell with a clash of cymbals. I started the year with the flu. It was my own fault for waxing lyrical (I’ve never been able to work out a pattern for that particular saying, but I love the sound of it) about not getting ill at Christmas since my diagnosis. I invited … Continue reading Beginnings

Tomorrow the World

My hands smell of soil, they are stained and scratched, dirt embedded under my fingernails. I like to call it a gardener's manicure. I usually hate anything under my nails, sand grates and teases me terribly, but not mud. Not the evidence of a job well done. I am quiet now. After a week of … Continue reading Tomorrow the World

Duvets and Bears

It's Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer. Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter. Today I have made space to … Continue reading Duvets and Bears

The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life

  I wrote this back in October. Then I decided not to post it. Why? Because I feared judgement.  When it happened I blamed myself. I should have been watching every second. I should have been better. I had run a risk assessment of the field: I'd noted no heights to fall from, no water to fall … Continue reading The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life