I’m in hiding. I don’t have time to be in hiding, it’s possibly the worst thing I could be doing at the moment, and yet hiding is where I am. I feel like I opened the floodgates because a beautiful butterfly fluttered by, and now the waters are rising and I can’t get the … Continue reading The Duck: An Autistic Play
Category: social exhaustion
My head hurts and it’s a good thing
I’m not a joiner. Even when I really want to do things, I find groups hard. There is always so much going on, so many variables, so many possible ambushes - small-talk, change, new social rules - that I feel overwhelmed before I begin. How I spend my cherished energy is important, it is a … Continue reading My head hurts and it’s a good thing
Beginnings
January swelled and fell with a clash of cymbals. I started the year with the flu. It was my own fault for waxing lyrical (I’ve never been able to work out a pattern for that particular saying, but I love the sound of it) about not getting ill at Christmas since my diagnosis. I invited … Continue reading Beginnings
Festive Autism
Musings and memories of a year almost over
My Gift is Time
Why autistic people may find it hard to build relationships: the time we need to invest in each interaction is so much higher.
Accessibility
I like to write about the good bits. I like to write about the joys that autism brings me. So much of the world wants me to focus on the bad bits. They want me to look at my deficits. No one can live like that. No one can live happily with someone pointing out … Continue reading Accessibility
Tomorrow the World
My hands smell of soil, they are stained and scratched, dirt embedded under my fingernails. I like to call it a gardener's manicure. I usually hate anything under my nails, sand grates and teases me terribly, but not mud. Not the evidence of a job well done. I am quiet now. After a week of … Continue reading Tomorrow the World
Duvets and Bears
It's Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer. Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter. Today I have made space to … Continue reading Duvets and Bears
The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life
I wrote this back in October. Then I decided not to post it. Why? Because I feared judgement. When it happened I blamed myself. I should have been watching every second. I should have been better. I had run a risk assessment of the field: I'd noted no heights to fall from, no water to fall … Continue reading The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life
Eventful Autism
Winter is a time of events and social quandaries. This year I have been kinder to myself about ensuring I get some recovery time. It's so important. Such a huge part of self-care. At a party I'm often coping at my limits. I suddenly feel like I'm made of corners, I'm aware of every angle … Continue reading Eventful Autism
