Meltdowns

I have to sit with this. This feeling that I’ll never accept and that will always frustrate and ruin what would otherwise be just fine. I am overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed for a while, but I’ve been in denial about it. Denial is always worth a try. As with all-things-autism, it’s not as simple … Continue reading Meltdowns

Virtually Accessible Interviews

Almost three years ago to the day I wrote about a gruelling interview process that took me months to recover from. Reading through it recently it struck me how different my experience of interviewing has been during the pandemic. It’s not a perfect process and I don’t want to pretend that it’s easy, but in … Continue reading Virtually Accessible Interviews

Recovering my Autism

It’s been a stormy few days. There’s been a strong wind pouring in over the sea and I’ve been watching the birds fight and fail to fly into it. First a flock of starlings gave in and threw themselves down to cling to the branches of an ash tree, then the rooks made a passable … Continue reading Recovering my Autism

Autistic Heroes

It’s hard not to watch Greta Thunberg speak without being overcome by two things; the first - and strongest - is admiration, and the second is envy. I don’t envy her the criticism she has had levelled at her. I don’t envy her the comments made by those who have no clue whatsoever about autism. … Continue reading Autistic Heroes

Taking or Leaving the Mask

I am a guilty masker. I’ve always masked. It’s a complex creation with different weights and different angles. Each occasion has a different variation of it, a different material, a different pattern. I have my work mask; professional, straight-backed, walking tall. She has a specific amount of makeup and specific hair. She keeps her outlandish … Continue reading Taking or Leaving the Mask

An Open and Fair Interview

There have been various intangible variables floating on my horizon, and they have been draining my reserves. I usually use those reserves to share and enthuse, and I have missed doing that. I’m going to share something difficult. I am a perfectionist and hate to get things wrong. I am going to share a … Continue reading An Open and Fair Interview

The Duck: An Autistic Play

I’m in hiding. I don’t have time to be in hiding, it’s possibly the worst thing I could be doing at the moment, and yet hiding is where I am. I feel like I opened the floodgates because a beautiful butterfly fluttered by, and now the waters are rising and I can’t get the … Continue reading The Duck: An Autistic Play

My head hurts and it’s a good thing

I’m not a joiner. Even when I really want to do things, I find groups hard. There is always so much going on, so many variables, so many possible ambushes - small-talk, change, new social rules - that I feel overwhelmed before I begin. How I spend my cherished energy is important, it is a … Continue reading My head hurts and it’s a good thing

Autscriptic: Mild Autism

In 2016 I wrote a post that seemed to capture people’s imagination in a way that others didn’t. Autscriptic has since been shared far and wide. It taught me that there is great power in sharing conversations between neurotypes: Laying bare the misunderstandings that tangle us up. The first Autscriptic was about the trials of … Continue reading Autscriptic: Mild Autism

Autism, Labour and Birth

I don’t usually talk about my children, they have their own stories, but those stories are not mine to tell. But their beginnings in this world are my tales, so I shall tell them. I have been in labour five times. The first was in hospital, the next three were home water-births and the final … Continue reading Autism, Labour and Birth