I’ve welcomed in an old friend this morning, and she’s happily making herself at home. At the moment she’s lying over my chest making each breath a shallow grab. I don’t like her, but instead of kicking her out, I’ve fed and watered her, and you know what happens when you feed someone; you make … Continue reading Unwelcome Guests
I am a guilty masker. I’ve always masked. It’s a complex creation with different weights and different angles. Each occasion has a different variation of it, a different material, a different pattern. I have my work mask; professional, straight-backed, walking tall. She has a specific amount of makeup and specific hair. She keeps her outlandish … Continue reading Taking or Leaving the Mask
Is my problem-solving a skill that I have because I’m autistic, or something my autism has taught me?
Trigger warning - although this post doesn’t mention any detail of abuse, it is about the dangers of teaching someone not to trust in their right to say no From a young age I was taught three things:- The messages I get from my body are wrong Not wanting to be touched is wrong That … Continue reading The Four Social Rules every Autistic Person needs to Learn
Communication is a two-way street and when it comes to autism, it's often one-way traffic. When I say that people usually assume they know what I mean. They think I mean that autistic people are disordered and can't communicate as well as non-autistic people. That's not what I mean. Communication is one-way traffic insofar as … Continue reading How I Show Love: Autism
My autism isn't just what you can see on the surface.
Why autistic people may find it hard to build relationships: the time we need to invest in each interaction is so much higher.
I hate people looking over my shoulder, it's the worst. They're close and intrusive and they're stealing my actions with their eyes. It's even worse when it's me. I am so fed up of me looking over my own shoulder. She's ridiculous. I'll be messaging someone a cheery, "How's things?" And she throws in a … Continue reading Stop Looking over my Shoulder!
It's Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer. Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter. Today I have made space to … Continue reading Duvets and Bears
Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't mean I don't still have to do the processing. I know you're sorry you're late. You've broken a small social contract, and sorry should be enough to mend it, but it's not the social contract that is troubling me. You're sorry you didn't let me know that plans had changed. You … Continue reading I’m sorry…