Meltdowns

I have to sit with this. This feeling that I’ll never accept and that will always frustrate and ruin what would otherwise be just fine. I am overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed for a while, but I’ve been in denial about it. Denial is always worth a try. As with all-things-autism, it’s not as simple … Continue reading Meltdowns

Monday Meltdown

I can be really rubbish to myself sometimes. The only thing worse than a Monday Meltdown is the accompanying feeling that I really should have grown out of this. I should have grown out of reacting to a sudden change in my week’s plans. I should have grown out of needing to prepare carefully for … Continue reading Monday Meltdown

I am Finite

As an autistic adult I am aware that everyday things drain me. I have built a balanced life but that doesn’t mean imbalance doesn’t have its place too. “What I can cope with is immense. If you could feel it and stay standing you would be in awe of autistic people.”

We All Need to Work More Autistically

The other day I was at work and was hit by a revelation. It had been nagging at me for a while - I could feel that something had shifted. But I never would have predicted that I would be facing the world of work with a social advantage due to my autism. I’ve had … Continue reading We All Need to Work More Autistically

The Token Autistic

During Lockdown Number Two (the sequel to the ever-popular Lockdown Number One) I started writing a story for my daughter. I’d write a chapter during the day whilst she was homeschooling and then later on we’d snuggle up and I’d read it to her. It was our thing and it was lovely. Then the world … Continue reading The Token Autistic

Autistic Pride

Today is Autistic Pride day and I am contemplating what that means to me. My journey since discovering I was autistic has been one of ups and downs. I’ve had a lot of rethinking to do, a lot of processing, a ridiculous number of times exclaiming, ‘Oh that’s why I reacted like that; it was … Continue reading Autistic Pride

Mistakes

😉 For all that I love emojis I have a blind spot for the difference between emoji and emoticon. Just to ensure we are all on the same page (and remind me when I inevitably forget again):- This is an emoji This is an emoticonI use emojis a lot in informal written communication. They are … Continue reading Mistakes

Unwelcome Guests

I’ve welcomed in an old friend this morning, and she’s happily making herself at home. At the moment she’s lying over my chest making each breath a shallow grab. I don’t like her, but instead of kicking her out, I’ve fed and watered her, and you know what happens when you feed someone; you make … Continue reading Unwelcome Guests

Taking or Leaving the Mask

I am a guilty masker. I’ve always masked. It’s a complex creation with different weights and different angles. Each occasion has a different variation of it, a different material, a different pattern. I have my work mask; professional, straight-backed, walking tall. She has a specific amount of makeup and specific hair. She keeps her outlandish … Continue reading Taking or Leaving the Mask