Monday Meltdown

I can be really rubbish to myself sometimes. The only thing worse than a Monday Meltdown is the accompanying feeling that I really should have grown out of this. I should have grown out of reacting to a sudden change in my week’s plans. I should have grown out of needing to prepare carefully for … Continue reading Monday Meltdown

I am Finite

As an autistic adult I am aware that everyday things drain me. I have built a balanced life but that doesn’t mean imbalance doesn’t have its place too. “What I can cope with is immense. If you could feel it and stay standing you would be in awe of autistic people.”

Virtually Accessible Interviews

Almost three years ago to the day I wrote about a gruelling interview process that took me months to recover from. Reading through it recently it struck me how different my experience of interviewing has been during the pandemic. It’s not a perfect process and I don’t want to pretend that it’s easy, but in … Continue reading Virtually Accessible Interviews

Recovering my Autism

It’s been a stormy few days. There’s been a strong wind pouring in over the sea and I’ve been watching the birds fight and fail to fly into it. First a flock of starlings gave in and threw themselves down to cling to the branches of an ash tree, then the rooks made a passable … Continue reading Recovering my Autism

Autistic Exhaustion

Being autistic brings various challenges and joys with it. I adore my hyper-focus and passions, but I loathe the inevitable misunderstandings and sensory bombardments. I am a carefully balanced human. I know that things that won’t be stressors to other people will be problematic for me. I know that spending time in a group will … Continue reading Autistic Exhaustion

Unwelcome Guests

I’ve welcomed in an old friend this morning, and she’s happily making herself at home. At the moment she’s lying over my chest making each breath a shallow grab. I don’t like her, but instead of kicking her out, I’ve fed and watered her, and you know what happens when you feed someone; you make … Continue reading Unwelcome Guests

Duvets and Bears

It's Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer. Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter. Today I have made space to … Continue reading Duvets and Bears