Gaslighting

Being an undiagnosed autistic has many challenges. When you compare your reactions to things with other people's, you feel like you're getting it wrong. When other people take things in their stride, and your brain feels like it's expanding inside your skull to the point you can't think, then you feel like you're overreacting. And … Continue reading Gaslighting

To the lonely neurotypical parent…

I saw a post today by a parent of an autistic child. It was reaching out. Reaching out for people. It spoke about the loneliness of being a neurotypical parent who wanted to connect with the people around her, but who put her autistic child's needs first, because they couldn't cope with the interactions. I … Continue reading To the lonely neurotypical parent…

Labelling

This morning my car wasn't happy, so I took my son's go-kart-in-car's-clothing on the school run. He's not passed his test yet, so it has Learner Plates on it. And oh how they make a difference to how other drivers behave around you. Most people give you a bit more space, just in case … Continue reading Labelling

Hiding or Ignored?

There have been a few articles of late about the under-diagnosis of women with autism. I've spent a lot of time nodding along. After-all, I'm late-diagnosed. I was raised with no acknowledgement of my sensory and processing issues. I'm one of the lost generations, lucky enough to be found. But sometimes the rhetoric behind it … Continue reading Hiding or Ignored?

I wanted to be good

That rule-following little girl, she really wanted to be good. She wanted to be able to eat all the food on her plate, even though the textures made her gag. She wanted to not shudder and press her ears to each shoulder in turn, every time you scraped your plate and it made that sound … Continue reading I wanted to be good

I would have built robots

When I was little I wanted to make robots. I was going to be an inventor. Robots were the future, they were going to be everything, and I was going to design them. I'd spend ages drawing pictures of different tin-cans with claws and wheels and springs. I remember being frustrated that I didn't know … Continue reading I would have built robots

Diagnosis, Rain and Tractors

Why now? What brought me to diagnosis in my thirties? It began with a random article. It was about the under-diagnosis of autistic women. I had no particular reason to read that particular article. It just sounding interesting. It was just there. As I read, a tingly feeling started in the back of my neck. … Continue reading Diagnosis, Rain and Tractors

From Brilliant to Mediocre

I used to be special. I used to be an interesting neurotypical and now I'm an everyday autistic. I'm not original after all. All those actions. All those ways of being that marked me as an oddity. All those things that both attracted and repelled people in equal measure. All those idiosyncrasies, all my inspiration, … Continue reading From Brilliant to Mediocre

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome: Hypermobility Type doesn’t really roll off the tongue…

It's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) Awareness Month. I haven't written about EDS. I haven't really thought about it that much. I haven't been as aware as I should have been. Perhaps it's because I feel like a bit of a fraud talking about it. I don't feel like it's about me. I'm ok. I'm not … Continue reading Ehlers Danlos Syndrome: Hypermobility Type doesn’t really roll off the tongue…

You shall not pass!

I've been thinking a lot about the invisibility of autistic adults. We see a lot of focus on autistic children, and getting them to adulthood with the skills they will need. And about parents of autistic children, and what they should do, and how they can be supported. These things are important. But it … Continue reading You shall not pass!