Mirroring

There are two types of mirroring, one is instant (whether conscious or not) and the other is delayed. I remember reading up on interview techniques in my early 20s (always researching). There was a chapter about the importance of body language. It talked about mirroring and how mimicking the interviewer's body language would make them … Continue reading Mirroring

Success

They say success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration; well I've got perspiration. I've got perspiration coming out of my ears! ... Where was I? Oh yes, my sweaty, sweaty ears. But what happens when that perspiration and inspiration mean you hit your limits before you've completed the requisite socialisation? Sweatier ears for a start. … Continue reading Success

Overcoming autism?

I often read this narrative online, "So-and-so overcame their autism and succeeded at something." It makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me worry that one day someone might say, "Rhi overcame her autism to write", which would be to fundamentally misunderstand both me and my autism. One of the positives of autism can be … Continue reading Overcoming autism?

Gaslighting

Being an undiagnosed autistic has many challenges. When you compare your reactions to things with other people's, you feel like you're getting it wrong. When other people take things in their stride, and your brain feels like it's expanding inside your skull to the point you can't think, then you feel like you're overreacting. And … Continue reading Gaslighting

I wanted to be good

That rule-following little girl, she really wanted to be good. She wanted to be able to eat all the food on her plate, even though the textures made her gag. She wanted to not shudder and press her ears to each shoulder in turn, every time you scraped your plate and it made that sound … Continue reading I wanted to be good

Autism and Work

Below is an account of a time when other people's poor communication, and my lack of understanding of myself, led to me having to leave a job for the sake of my health. Workplace bullying isn't restricted to autistic people, but it is very common. A perfect storm of social expectations, misunderstandings and being misunderstood, … Continue reading Autism and Work

Autism is a Normal Neurological Variance

What is Autism? It's a social processing condition. It's a different way of processing sensory information. It's a different way of interfacing with the world. What isn't autism? Autism isn't a learning disability. Autism doesn't mean a low or high IQ. Autism isn't a behavioural problem. Autism isn't a person trapped inside a mental cage. … Continue reading Autism is a Normal Neurological Variance

I would have built robots

When I was little I wanted to make robots. I was going to be an inventor. Robots were the future, they were going to be everything, and I was going to design them. I'd spend ages drawing pictures of different tin-cans with claws and wheels and springs. I remember being frustrated that I didn't know … Continue reading I would have built robots

Autscriptic

You don't look autistic. Yes I do. You don't act autistic though. Yes I do. Yeah, but you're not like "properly" autistic. Yes I am. You can make eye contact. Yes I can. You don't flap all the time. I do at birds. You flap at birds? I flap at birds. Why do you flap … Continue reading Autscriptic

Grieving for Autism

There is a grieving process that happens after a diagnosis later in life. But it's not grieving for the autism, it's grieving for the effort that you've had to put in your whole life trying to be someone you're not. It's grief for the you that carried that huge backpack of techniques for appearing normal, … Continue reading Grieving for Autism