I like to write about the good bits. I like to write about the joys that autism brings me. So much of the world wants me to focus on the bad bits. They want me to look at my deficits. No one can live like that. No one can live happily with someone pointing out … Continue reading Accessibility
Category: social exhaustion
Tomorrow the World
My hands smell of soil, they are stained and scratched, dirt embedded under my fingernails. I like to call it a gardener's manicure. I usually hate anything under my nails, sand grates and teases me terribly, but not mud. Not the evidence of a job well done. I am quiet now. After a week of … Continue reading Tomorrow the World
Duvets and Bears
It's Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer. Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter. Today I have made space to … Continue reading Duvets and Bears
The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life
I wrote this back in October. Then I decided not to post it. Why? Because I feared judgement. When it happened I blamed myself. I should have been watching every second. I should have been better. I had run a risk assessment of the field: I'd noted no heights to fall from, no water to fall … Continue reading The Day my Autism Saved my Daughter’s Life
Eventful Autism
Winter is a time of events and social quandaries. This year I have been kinder to myself about ensuring I get some recovery time. It's so important. Such a huge part of self-care. At a party I'm often coping at my limits. I suddenly feel like I'm made of corners, I'm aware of every angle … Continue reading Eventful Autism
Hyper-focus
Perhaps the functioning labels aren't so bad, if they could just be applied to me at different times. It's been a month of ups and downs, of achievements and limits. I have gone from the high energy and hyper focus of high-functioning-Rhi, to the shutdown and inability to do the simplest of tasks of low-functioning-Rhi, … Continue reading Hyper-focus
Accessible Autism
Access to services doesn't just mean that services need to exist, it means we need to be able to access them. I'm not good at contacting people. That is an enormous under-exaggeration. I am terrible at contacting people. If it needs to be done by face or by phone, I may never do it at … Continue reading Accessible Autism
Hiatus
Maybe it's the change in weather as the Autumn leaves start to fall, but I'm in hiatus. I've been frantically busy for a month and now I'm feeling that energy hangover. From my aching joints, to my slow-moving limbs, I am tired. I feel distanced from the world at times like this. Cocooned in some … Continue reading Hiatus
Gaslighting
Being an undiagnosed autistic has many challenges. When you compare your reactions to things with other people's, you feel like you're getting it wrong. When other people take things in their stride, and your brain feels like it's expanding inside your skull to the point you can't think, then you feel like you're overreacting. And … Continue reading Gaslighting
I’m sorry…
Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't mean I don't still have to do the processing. I know you're sorry you're late. You've broken a small social contract, and sorry should be enough to mend it, but it's not the social contract that is troubling me. You're sorry you didn't let me know that plans had changed. You … Continue reading I’m sorry…
Autism and Expectations 