Year one post-autism-diagnosis was a year of changing how I see myself. It was a year of learning to accept my changeable limits and deciding to work with my autism instead of against it. So far, year two is about other people. Those in my immediate circle, family and friends, have begun to feel comfortable … Continue reading Angry or Gentle: being misunderstood
Tag: asd
Adieu Autism Awareness
As another Autism Awareness month is over, I'm feeling silent. Acceptance or not, I shall carry on being here. Diagnosis or not, I shall carry on being who I am. Noticed or not, I shall still be. Wasn't it Descartes who said, "I think as an autistic, therefore I am an autistic"? Or something like … Continue reading Adieu Autism Awareness
My Autistic Physicality
I didn't know I used my muscles in strange ways until it was pointed out to me. I didn't know it was a thing. I hadn't seen it in the diagnostic criteria, though I may well have been asked about it. I would have answered that I move well, no issues. My reflexes are fast, … Continue reading My Autistic Physicality
Children and Adulting and Autisming
There is a freedom that comes with having children around. It starts with their lack of expectations. Those big, round eyes don't have an idea of who I should be, they haven't developed those advanced skills of pre-conceptions and pigeonholing. Children love it when you listen. They love it when you try to answer their … Continue reading Children and Adulting and Autisming
Autism Poetry
I always struggle to write poetry specifically about autism. How do you write about a process? You end up bogged down in the behaviours that result from it, instead of the thing you were trying to focus on. These are last night's headscribbles. I hope you enjoy them. When I try to write About the … Continue reading Autism Poetry
An Autistic Anniversary
I know I'm supposed to be ashamed. I know that. I know autism is supposed to be a loaded term, spoken in hushed whispers, a reassuring hand on a shoulder, a pitying frown. It's supposed to be "risk of" and "suffers from" and "unfortunately". I can't quite decide if it's my autism that keeps those … Continue reading An Autistic Anniversary
Tomorrow the World
My hands smell of soil, they are stained and scratched, dirt embedded under my fingernails. I like to call it a gardener's manicure. I usually hate anything under my nails, sand grates and teases me terribly, but not mud. Not the evidence of a job well done. I am quiet now. After a week of … Continue reading Tomorrow the World
Autism Awareness: Are we nearly there yet?
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with AA! Not not Alcoholics Anonymous. No, not the Automobile Association. I'm talking Autism Awareness! In the run up to Autism Awareness Week and Day and Month and Millennia, I've been thinking about what it is I really want the world to be aware of. Most people … Continue reading Autism Awareness: Are we nearly there yet?
Stop Looking over my Shoulder!
I hate people looking over my shoulder, it's the worst. They're close and intrusive and they're stealing my actions with their eyes. It's even worse when it's me. I am so fed up of me looking over my own shoulder. She's ridiculous. I'll be messaging someone a cheery, "How's things?" And she throws in a … Continue reading Stop Looking over my Shoulder!
A Perfect Day
It's my birthday soon. My husband asked me what I'd like to do for the day. Which is a big, open question. The biggest and most open, yawning-cavern-like question, based only on my own desires. I am thinking. What would my perfect day look like? For a start it would involve a lie in. A … Continue reading A Perfect Day
Autism and Expectations 